In Retrospect: From A Passive Aggressive’s Significant Other

Image It’s definitely time to breath new life into this puppy! To be honest, it’s been hard to keep up here due to one fact being that every time I sit down to the computer (almost), it puts me to sleep. LOL. I went through a sleep study and they supposedly ordered me one of those machines for people with sleep apnea. That should help, plus I’ve been on quite a regimen of vitamins.

In the last few months I was also diagnosed with Melanoma, but have since had surgery and good news. They said it hadn’t spread, and they believe they got it all. So now they just keep an eye on me for awhile I guess. Thank you God!

I think one of the reasons I’ve kind of let this blog go is because I’ve realized I don’t follow my own advice. My passive aggressive boyfriend and I just had our 14 yr. anniversary and here I still am. For me, here and now, this is okay with me. I am not looking for all the flowery romance (although in 14 yrs the passive aggressive has never once missed buying me flowers on our anniversary), the “happily ever after” kind of love and passion you see on the movie screen.

I’ve given up on sex since he had pretty much cut that out yrs. ago anyway. Now that I’m overweight, I’m really not interested. Even though the passive aggressive denies it, I know he’s disgusted by fat, and I can tell the difference in the love making. Plus, as I get older, my faith in God is much stronger and I care more about “sin or not to sin”.  A couple of times when he’s gotten overly friendly, I just tell him “I don’t do that without a wedding band”, even though I’m not sure I would even marry him.

I still have my mother with me, thank you God, who requires 24 hour care. The PA is very good about helping with her, even though when he makes disgusted sighs, etc. at something she might do, I call him on it and he denies it. I’m talking something as little as her wanting ice cream after dinner! He is real good though about getting her breakfast if I’m at church, things like that. I appreciate it. As a caregiver, I’d probably really go nuts if I could never get a break!

The passive aggressive boyfriend is now officially retired also. He’s finally bringing in a fair and steady income, so there is no more fighting about him not looking for a job, etc. This has taken a lot of stress out of my life. He still doesn’t do anything around here as far as the yard, etc. but I think I’ve figured out partially how to fix that. I just do some of the stuff I want done and ask him to “help me with the rest”, and he finishes it. If it’s possible for a passive aggressive to get embarrassed, I would say that is why he ends up helping me.

I consider my life far from over, but for now the passive aggressive boyfriend is fulfilling a need I have for a helping “roommate”. Most of the comments I get are from people who are actually (or were) “in love” with their passive aggressive spouses or significant others. I was. I squelched it due to circumstances, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up. I can see myself someday being free to look for the fairy tale kind of love all over again. Who knows? In the meantime, I give my commenters  the advice to “get out” because: 

  1. They are so unhappy 
  2. They are being mentally, physically, or both, abused
  3. They have children who are mortally or get mortally wounded by having a passive aggressive parent and
  4. Because I do still believe that their is true love out there for everyone.

I believe that we weren’t meant to be terribly miserable for the rest of our lives hooked up to a passive aggressive, but I also know the longer you stay, the harder it is to get out. It’s like quicksand.


Working on Motivation, Exercise

I’ve been listening to Tony Robbins lately. Not just for weight loss but for other areas of my life as well. He’s really quite inspirational. He’s saying in order to make permanent changes, we need to get “disturbed” about where we are and work on changing our belief system, that something isn’t “that bad”. It’s about getting totally honest with yourself instead of pussy footing around the adjectives. Yes, 50 pounds overweight is that bad. Yes when I look at myself naked in the mirror it is disturbing. Yes my ass is fat whether in or out of those jeans. LOL.

My mother has been in ICU the last 3 weeks, so the only exercise I’m getting is walking to her room, but I am taking total advantage of it. I walk briskly to get my heart rate up. It’s a fair distance from one end of the parking lot to her room in ICU so it’s sort of like “heart training” and I do it at least 3 times per day. Now I just hope all those health gurus are right when they say 3 ten minute walks are as good as one 30 minute walk. Today I will be adding on walking from my house at least once. I’m actually fairly close and so have decided there really is no excuse.

I Want To Be Valerie, Not Kirstie!

Valerie Bertinelli and Kirstie Alley have always been two of my favorite female celebs. I have to say that I am so jealous of Valerie these days. She took over as spokesperson for Jenny Craig and has never looked back. While Kirstie once again gained back all the weight she had lost when she was Jenny Craig’s spokesperson, Valerie has moved on to bikini ads, red carpets, and magazine covers. She is absolutely in the prime of life again. I am so happy for her! Now I just want to be her. LOL.

Instead, I seem to be more like Kirstie. If you added all the pounds I’ve lost and regained… and here I am again trying to go down the scale instead of up.

I was doing pretty good with the weight training and swimming at the Senior Center, but then my mother had emergency surgery and has been in ICU for the last 3 weeks. What I do to keep in shape now is park on the far end of the parking lot and walk briskly to her room in the hospital about 3 times a day. It does at least get my heart rate up. They say 3 ten minute walks is as good as 1 thirty minute walk. I hope they’re right. LOL. I’m working on just walking to the hospital next. It’s not that far, but it seems like I always am headed for the store or somewhere afterward, so I don’t do it. Even in my own ears, that sounds like another excuse. Maybe I’ll make today different.

A Woman’s Maximum Heart Rate-

Like everything else that fits men but doesn’t quite apply to women, they now have a study that suggests the figure to use for getting our maximum heart rate should be “206” not 220 like it is for a man. We also subtract 88% of our age vs. subtracting 80% as was the formula up until now. So if you are a woman 50 yrs. old, you would figure 88% of that. Take that figure and subtract it from the 206, and that would be your maximum heart rate. (Obviously not everyone is the same. This is just meant to be a guideline). Then for maximum efficiency during a workout, you would want to build to 70 to 80% of your maximum heart rate. Since I have been so sedentary for so long, I feel happy to get to 60% while I am just beginning to get back in action. Starting an exercise regimen won’t help if I have a heart attack in the process. LOL

It’s Heating Up and I Haven’t Slimmed Down

I am still finding lack of exercise to be my biggest downfall and my most destructive health habit. I have studied more than the average bear when it comes to exercise and diet, and I know they go hand in hand, yet here I still sit. My latest thing to try is going to check out the Senior center by where I live. They consider age 50 a senior. I swear, for 50 being the new 40, the age for seniors is getting younger all the time. LOL.

If you’re a resident of the city you can join for free. They have a fitness room, 3 indoor pools and classes. If I could find something fun to do, I might stand a chance of making it work. I haven’t had much luck finding an exercise buddy, so maybe this will do the trick. I did see one thing on line called “walk and talk”, so here’s hoping… All I know is I’m not paying for any more gym memberships, although Curves still catches my eye every once in awhile. LOL.

Ready To Start Losing Weight…”Again”

Sea Lion exercise

Sea Lion Exercising

Yep, I’m ready to start losing weight again. My daughter called the other day and said she really needs to do something about her weight, so we decided that even though we live far apart, we could be each other’s support system. I explained to her that we both had to be accountable to each other. No dodging my phone calls because she doesn’t want to confess. LOL. We’ll see what happens.

I started tracking nutrition yesterday. Not really watching what I was eating, but more for just getting back in the habit of doing it. OMGosh, it’s no wonder I’ve done nothing but grow since I quit working outside the house! Between what I eat and no exercise… well, you know how it goes.

For exercise I think I have an ebook on my computer for good old ‘calisthenics’. If I can do a couple of jumping jacks without feeling like I’m going to fall through the floor, I may start doing those. I think she has a gym membership. Every time I do one of those I get into trouble. LOL.

Speaking of which, I am so mad at the “Right Stuff”. They sucked me in with low payments, no contract you could cancel at anytime, blah, blah, blah. Well, you can cancel at anytime, but you have to go in in person to do it, or mail them a letter. You cannot just call or email. Now they want several months worth of dues. What a pain. When we moved it wasn’t convenient to “go in” to cancel. Obviously I thought the mail was too slow, but now that I look back, I should have mailed a nice CANCELLATION letter. Ohhh, I hate them for my stupidity. LOL.

Figuring The WeightWatchers Points In GS Cookies

It’s that time of year again. The Girl Scouts are out in force with their arsenal of cookies. LOL. I never met a Girl Scout cookie I didn’t like, and any Girl Scout troop that I buy from usually loves me.

A couple of years ago when I bought Girl Scout cookies, I went through and figured out the WeightWatchers points per serving for each kind. I then put how many WeightWatchers points per how many cookies on the top of each box. While it didn’t stop me from eating them, I was at least semi-conscious of what I was eating. It really did help. Many times I would choose which cookies based on the numbers on the top of the box. One may have a point or two more, but there would be more cookies per serving. At least it did make me think about what I was putting in my mouth when I was doing it.

That is what is so great about journaling. If you’re truly honest with yourself, it will definitely make a difference if you know you’re going to have to write down everything that goes in your mouth.

Have you given up Girl Scout cookies? I keep thinking once they grow up, I won’t buy anymore, but they just keep coming. LOL.