In Retrospect: From A Passive Aggressive’s Significant Other

Image It’s definitely time to breath new life into this puppy! To be honest, it’s been hard to keep up here due to one fact being that every time I sit down to the computer (almost), it puts me to sleep. LOL. I went through a sleep study and they supposedly ordered me one of those machines for people with sleep apnea. That should help, plus I’ve been on quite a regimen of vitamins.

In the last few months I was also diagnosed with Melanoma, but have since had surgery and good news. They said it hadn’t spread, and they believe they got it all. So now they just keep an eye on me for awhile I guess. Thank you God!

I think one of the reasons I’ve kind of let this blog go is because I’ve realized I don’t follow my own advice. My passive aggressive boyfriend and I just had our 14 yr. anniversary and here I still am. For me, here and now, this is okay with me. I am not looking for all the flowery romance (although in 14 yrs the passive aggressive has never once missed buying me flowers on our anniversary), the “happily ever after” kind of love and passion you see on the movie screen.

I’ve given up on sex since he had pretty much cut that out yrs. ago anyway. Now that I’m overweight, I’m really not interested. Even though the passive aggressive denies it, I know he’s disgusted by fat, and I can tell the difference in the love making. Plus, as I get older, my faith in God is much stronger and I care more about “sin or not to sin”.  A couple of times when he’s gotten overly friendly, I just tell him “I don’t do that without a wedding band”, even though I’m not sure I would even marry him.

I still have my mother with me, thank you God, who requires 24 hour care. The PA is very good about helping with her, even though when he makes disgusted sighs, etc. at something she might do, I call him on it and he denies it. I’m talking something as little as her wanting ice cream after dinner! He is real good though about getting her breakfast if I’m at church, things like that. I appreciate it. As a caregiver, I’d probably really go nuts if I could never get a break!

The passive aggressive boyfriend is now officially retired also. He’s finally bringing in a fair and steady income, so there is no more fighting about him not looking for a job, etc. This has taken a lot of stress out of my life. He still doesn’t do anything around here as far as the yard, etc. but I think I’ve figured out partially how to fix that. I just do some of the stuff I want done and ask him to “help me with the rest”, and he finishes it. If it’s possible for a passive aggressive to get embarrassed, I would say that is why he ends up helping me.

I consider my life far from over, but for now the passive aggressive boyfriend is fulfilling a need I have for a helping “roommate”. Most of the comments I get are from people who are actually (or were) “in love” with their passive aggressive spouses or significant others. I was. I squelched it due to circumstances, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up. I can see myself someday being free to look for the fairy tale kind of love all over again. Who knows? In the meantime, I give my commenters  the advice to “get out” because: 

  1. They are so unhappy 
  2. They are being mentally, physically, or both, abused
  3. They have children who are mortally or get mortally wounded by having a passive aggressive parent and
  4. Because I do still believe that their is true love out there for everyone.

I believe that we weren’t meant to be terribly miserable for the rest of our lives hooked up to a passive aggressive, but I also know the longer you stay, the harder it is to get out. It’s like quicksand.