is now only 2 months away vs. 10 months like it was when I first started this blog. Evidently my reason wasn’t motivation enough. I just got the dates yesterday for the reunion and here I am, the same size if not a pound or two more than I was 8mos. ago. So now I will be walking etc. like crazy, cussing myself out for not getting serious sooner, and still stuffing something into my face that probably doesn’t belong there! No matter what I do, I still am no magician with the magic formula.
I have known about this for a yr. I actually thought it was in April. Thank God it wasn’t! But why have I been so self-sabbotoging? Or why I haven’t I been stronger? Or if my health and this reunion aren’t important enough, what in the hell would be?
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. I better do myself a little sole searching and find out what’s going on in there. Looking over past posts, I thought I had the answer a few times. NOT. Guess again. I know when I truly make up my mind I can do it, so why not now? Am I using it as a crutch while I’m working on my new life? I know I should be doing better than ever now that my schedule, etc. is completely in my hands. Instead I am so stressed and focusing on the new business, I’m not getting anything else done, including stuff with deadlines. Have I just become self-destructive to a certain point? I mean, I’m not going to jump the bridge or anything, but something definitely isn’t right.
Any insights would be appreciated. LOL. My weight is actually a symbol I think of all the kaos in my life right now. One step at a time I guess. It just would be good if I would actually take the steps.
Filed under: aging, confessions, emotional eating, excuses, exercise, fat, food, health, losing weight, post-menapausal, weight, weight loss journal | Tagged: dieting over 40, fat loss after menopause, lack of exercise, weight loss plan |