I picked this up from LadyShanny and Blogher and decided to give it a try. Until I did this, I didn’t realize how resentful and angry I was at the physical me. Hopefully, now that I got it out and examined it, I can get rid of it.
A Letter To My Body
Here we are after spending a half a century together, and I figure I know you pretty well. We’ve pretty much come full circle, the baby with her belly hanging out over her diaper, the little girl who was taller than almost everyone in her class, the blossoming young woman who quickly turned into “full figured”, and the older woman who has once again turned into a body with her belly hanging over her underwear. You’ve taken me from being a kid to having 3, and I must say we got along pretty well thru all of them. We’ve gone thru menopause together and it was easy. No matter what I’ve done to you, you have always bounced back and been strong and reliable.
I would love to say I don’t blame you for the shape I’m in now, but to a certain extent, I do. In fact, to be totally honest, I’ve been angry with you since I was 12. We had two parents. Mom, who fought being overweight all her life, and Dad, who was skinny as a rail all his life, right into middle age. You took on all of Dad’s mannerisms, gave me his face, but took on Mom’s fat cells. I have her shape and took on her lifetime of fighting my weight. I do resent you to a certain extent. I resent fighting with you about what I eat all my life. You’ve never given me a chance to relax. It’s always been a battle.
Now that we’re older, things haven’t changed much. I do realize as we’ve gotten older, you are more in need than ever before of the proper fuel for you to carry me the rest of the way. I don’t want to suffer and be limited in my mobility as the days and years pass, and I realize that you can turn on me at any time. You have won the war. Now the tables have turned and I shall be your servant. I am heeding your warnings, the stiffness in the joints, the pain in my hips when I lay too long on my side. My heart says I want to be around to see my youngest child thru life and see my Grandchildren graduate from high school. The Bible says you are a temple. I have never quite figured that and have not exactly brought “presents” in thru your door, but I am starting to see that now. I shall look at you thru new eyes with a new appreciation for what you can do. Hopefully, from this point forward you can accept my apologies and we will get along much better in the future. As the old joke goes, “if I would have known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of you”.
Filed under: aging, beauty, confessions, emotional eating, excuses, exercise, fat, food, health, losing weight, post-menapausal, weight, weight loss after 40, weight loss in older women, weight loss journal, writing | Tagged: anger, body image, food, genetics, resentments, thoughts, weight |