The Holiday Tips In My Inbox

I made a concious decision not to weigh in yesterday. I decided to clean house and get ready for the Christmas Tree instead. I didn’t decide not to weigh in for the usual reasons people don’t weigh in this time of year. It wasn’t from too much partying, to many holiday treats, etc. It was in an effort to preserve my sanity and my eating plan. Since I have been doing the research on what has happened to my body since menopause, I absolutely know I have to exercise to lose. To get on the scale to have lost .2 or .4 would just piss me off. So I am sticking to my eating plan, and my daughter and I have decided to join a gym. Normally I hate this idea, because I’ve done it before where you sign a contract for a year and go a total of 2 months the whole time they’re pulling money for it out of your account.

I received a ‘buy 1 get a friend membership free’ coupon to a gym I haven’t really heard much about. For me it’s a little far to travel, but my daughter likes that idea because she figures none of her friends will be there. Now, hopefully I have a workout buddy and motivation, so I am ‘on the road again’. LOL

For a little fun and to show how ludicrous we can be during the holidays, I thought I would share the ‘Tips For Holiday Eating’ I received in my inbox today from a friend. Obviously a supporter. LOL

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1.   Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.  It’s rare. You can’t find  it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an  automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while  carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOO HOO, what a ride!”

Have a great holiday season.

 
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4 Responses

  1. LOL! Sports car with an automatic transmission!

    I suppose you are right about the exercise thing. Though last week, I had a .4 loss after earning 14 activity points that week! Ugh. Discouraging.

    Then again, when I look at my week and see that I did not eat my minimum points every day and skipped some meals due to a horrendous (and unexpected) slurry of last-minute responsibilities…well, the result isn’t surprising, is it?!

    Thanks for the laugh.

  2. That is so funny. And to think, I’ve been doing all that crap for years!! I’ve always been ahead of the eating curve…

  3. If I earned an extra 14 activity points and didn’t even eat all I was supposed to, I would be so angry! Unfortunately stress can cause us not to lose too. (You said about all the last minute responsibilities). Make sure you get some quality “down time”, whether it’s when you start out in the morning or sometime during the day, or even the last thing at nite. It’s so important. (It’s also hard to find)You just have to make the time. I find for me that’s about 20 min. in the afternoon. Then I’m good to go.

  4. Pantrypuff- Thanks for stopping by. So glad you got a kick out of the ‘tips’. I’m afraid I’m ahead of the eating curve too. Now my curves look like one round track. LOL

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