In Retrospect: From A Passive Aggressive’s Significant Other

Image It’s definitely time to breath new life into this puppy! To be honest, it’s been hard to keep up here due to one fact being that every time I sit down to the computer (almost), it puts me to sleep. LOL. I went through a sleep study and they supposedly ordered me one of those machines for people with sleep apnea. That should help, plus I’ve been on quite a regimen of vitamins.

In the last few months I was also diagnosed with Melanoma, but have since had surgery and good news. They said it hadn’t spread, and they believe they got it all. So now they just keep an eye on me for awhile I guess. Thank you God!

I think one of the reasons I’ve kind of let this blog go is because I’ve realized I don’t follow my own advice. My passive aggressive boyfriend and I just had our 14 yr. anniversary and here I still am. For me, here and now, this is okay with me. I am not looking for all the flowery romance (although in 14 yrs the passive aggressive has never once missed buying me flowers on our anniversary), the “happily ever after” kind of love and passion you see on the movie screen.

I’ve given up on sex since he had pretty much cut that out yrs. ago anyway. Now that I’m overweight, I’m really not interested. Even though the passive aggressive denies it, I know he’s disgusted by fat, and I can tell the difference in the love making. Plus, as I get older, my faith in God is much stronger and I care more about “sin or not to sin”.  A couple of times when he’s gotten overly friendly, I just tell him “I don’t do that without a wedding band”, even though I’m not sure I would even marry him.

I still have my mother with me, thank you God, who requires 24 hour care. The PA is very good about helping with her, even though when he makes disgusted sighs, etc. at something she might do, I call him on it and he denies it. I’m talking something as little as her wanting ice cream after dinner! He is real good though about getting her breakfast if I’m at church, things like that. I appreciate it. As a caregiver, I’d probably really go nuts if I could never get a break!

The passive aggressive boyfriend is now officially retired also. He’s finally bringing in a fair and steady income, so there is no more fighting about him not looking for a job, etc. This has taken a lot of stress out of my life. He still doesn’t do anything around here as far as the yard, etc. but I think I’ve figured out partially how to fix that. I just do some of the stuff I want done and ask him to “help me with the rest”, and he finishes it. If it’s possible for a passive aggressive to get embarrassed, I would say that is why he ends up helping me.

I consider my life far from over, but for now the passive aggressive boyfriend is fulfilling a need I have for a helping “roommate”. Most of the comments I get are from people who are actually (or were) “in love” with their passive aggressive spouses or significant others. I was. I squelched it due to circumstances, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up. I can see myself someday being free to look for the fairy tale kind of love all over again. Who knows? In the meantime, I give my commenters  the advice to “get out” because: 

  1. They are so unhappy 
  2. They are being mentally, physically, or both, abused
  3. They have children who are mortally or get mortally wounded by having a passive aggressive parent and
  4. Because I do still believe that their is true love out there for everyone.

I believe that we weren’t meant to be terribly miserable for the rest of our lives hooked up to a passive aggressive, but I also know the longer you stay, the harder it is to get out. It’s like quicksand.

Another New Year Still Fat…

Here we are moving now into 2011, another new year and I’m still fat, which accounts for why this blog has been so neglected. One thing I did accomplish last year that I hope to carry into the new year, is I actually have exercised. I will be moving this year and rebuilding a home, so I already am thinking that will be quite a bit of exercise in itself, but there is a senior center in our new location that is also free to join if you are a resident of the city. Count me in. I really miss my time at the senior center here, but I have been walking 2 miles minimum 3 days a week, plus it’s about a quarter of a mile every time I go visit my mother. Already I am getting more exercise than I’ve had for the last 2 yrs. You would think it would show somewhere. LOL.

I got a new idea for the new year from one of the guru coaches that I follow for New Year’s Resolutions. I thought it was pretty interesting and will be giving it a try. He says to write a paper on 2011 as if it’s already Dec. 31, 2011. Write down all the things you’ve accomplished for the year. This is very close to what another teacher of mine teaches about starting with the end in mind, sort of backward planning. Hey, anything that will help! LOL. I’m tired of carrying around this extra 50 lbs. I’m tired of looking at clothes in a 1 or 2X.

So, I wish you all a Happy New Year and much success as we all try our own thing to bring us to better health and a sexier, new us!

Working on Motivation, Exercise

I’ve been listening to Tony Robbins lately. Not just for weight loss but for other areas of my life as well. He’s really quite inspirational. He’s saying in order to make permanent changes, we need to get “disturbed” about where we are and work on changing our belief system, that something isn’t “that bad”. It’s about getting totally honest with yourself instead of pussy footing around the adjectives. Yes, 50 pounds overweight is that bad. Yes when I look at myself naked in the mirror it is disturbing. Yes my ass is fat whether in or out of those jeans. LOL.

My mother has been in ICU the last 3 weeks, so the only exercise I’m getting is walking to her room, but I am taking total advantage of it. I walk briskly to get my heart rate up. It’s a fair distance from one end of the parking lot to her room in ICU so it’s sort of like “heart training” and I do it at least 3 times per day. Now I just hope all those health gurus are right when they say 3 ten minute walks are as good as one 30 minute walk. Today I will be adding on walking from my house at least once. I’m actually fairly close and so have decided there really is no excuse.

I Want To Be Valerie, Not Kirstie!

Valerie Bertinelli and Kirstie Alley have always been two of my favorite female celebs. I have to say that I am so jealous of Valerie these days. She took over as spokesperson for Jenny Craig and has never looked back. While Kirstie once again gained back all the weight she had lost when she was Jenny Craig’s spokesperson, Valerie has moved on to bikini ads, red carpets, and magazine covers. She is absolutely in the prime of life again. I am so happy for her! Now I just want to be her. LOL.

Instead, I seem to be more like Kirstie. If you added all the pounds I’ve lost and regained… and here I am again trying to go down the scale instead of up.

I was doing pretty good with the weight training and swimming at the Senior Center, but then my mother had emergency surgery and has been in ICU for the last 3 weeks. What I do to keep in shape now is park on the far end of the parking lot and walk briskly to her room in the hospital about 3 times a day. It does at least get my heart rate up. They say 3 ten minute walks is as good as 1 thirty minute walk. I hope they’re right. LOL. I’m working on just walking to the hospital next. It’s not that far, but it seems like I always am headed for the store or somewhere afterward, so I don’t do it. Even in my own ears, that sounds like another excuse. Maybe I’ll make today different.

A Woman’s Maximum Heart Rate-

Like everything else that fits men but doesn’t quite apply to women, they now have a study that suggests the figure to use for getting our maximum heart rate should be “206” not 220 like it is for a man. We also subtract 88% of our age vs. subtracting 80% as was the formula up until now. So if you are a woman 50 yrs. old, you would figure 88% of that. Take that figure and subtract it from the 206, and that would be your maximum heart rate. (Obviously not everyone is the same. This is just meant to be a guideline). Then for maximum efficiency during a workout, you would want to build to 70 to 80% of your maximum heart rate. Since I have been so sedentary for so long, I feel happy to get to 60% while I am just beginning to get back in action. Starting an exercise regimen won’t help if I have a heart attack in the process. LOL

The Last Eating Holiday of Summer

We are past the 4th of July and there shall be no more holidays until Labor Day in Sept. Although it is still a season full of BBQs, holiday traditions that go with that (like potato salad) are tucked away until then, at least in our house. Today as if starting again with a clean slate in hand, I will weigh myself, take my measurements and head to the gym for a workout (Senior Center was closed yesterday).

My son is the epitome of fitness lately. My daughters tell me he has transformed himself completely. He and my oldest daughter were having a heart-to-heart (she is overweight just like her mother) and he told her she just had to try for 2 weeks. Two weeks seems a lot more doable than a lifetime. He swears after just two weeks she’ll feel so much better she won’t want to quit exercising and eating right. So I am taking his advice to heart, only for 2 months instead of 2 weeks. We’ll see where I am come Labor Day.

The Importance of Walking

I received this in my email and thought you might get a kick out of it. Since my emphasis has been on exercise lately, I thought it appropriate. enjoy=)

The Importance of Walking

>>>Walking can add minutes to your life.
>>> This enables you at 85 years old
>>> to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
>>> home at $7000 per month. This is my reason. DWB

>>> My grandpa started walking
>>> five miles a day when he was 60.
>>> Now he’s 97 years old
>>> and we don’t know where he is.
>>> I like long walks,
>>> especially when they are taken
>>> by people who annoy me.

>>> The only reason I would take up walking
>>> is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
>>> I have to walk early in the morning,
>>> before my brain figures out what I’m doing..
>>> I joined a health club last year,
>>> spent about 400 bucks.
>>> Haven’t lost a pound.
>>> Apparently you have to go there.
>>> Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,
>>> I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
>>> The advantage of exercising every day
>>> is so when you die, they’ll say,
>>> ‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’
>>> If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
>>> start with a small country.
>>> I know I got a lot of exercise
>>> the last few years,……
>>> just getting over the hill.

>>> We all get heavier as we get older,
>>> because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
>>> That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
>>>>>>> AND

>>> Every time I start thinking too much
>>> about how I look,
>>> I just find a Happy Hour
>>> and by the time I leave,
>>> I look just fine.
>>> You could run this over to your friends
>>> But just e-mail it to them
>>> If you don’t forward
>> this to 1 of your friends within
>>>>the next 5 minutes your belly
>>>>button will unscrew and your
>>>>butt will fall off.
>>>>Really…. It’s true Ha! Ha! Ha!