It looks like we’re in for a long, hot summer. For the last few years we’ve had a week of hot weather sometime in May, and then it’s usually just “nice” until the middle to end of June. This year the hot weather started early and stayed. If you’re anything like me, this is the time you really wish you had stuck to all those weightloss goals you set earlier in the year. Those summer fashions and a bathing suit doesn’t look nearly so good hanging off a body that’s almost 200lbs. as it did when I was 145. I also don’t take the heat as well. Being heavier I guess I carry my own internal furnace with me. I’m always surprised when a larger person gets cold easily, as this usually isn’t the norm. Then I look at their lifestyle, and like me they’re pretty sedentary so circulation isn’t all that good. Like I tell my mother “If you’d get up and do something, you wouldn’t be so cold.”

Along with the summer heat comes all the good-for-us food. The berries are in season. The melons are coming in. I love it and have gotten really good at reaching for healthier snacks. (Smashed strawberries over Fatfree ice cream or frozen yogurt and a small slice of angelfood cake is pure heaven and doesn’t set the diet into a tailspin). I add fresh fruit to my yogurt and add more fiber. It’s all good! Unfortunately, it’s also time when you don’t want to cook because of the heat, and potato salad and macaroni salads make the best side dishes.

I am not going to give you a bunch of tips here on how to avoid those things, because I can’t. What I can do is give you a couple of tips to make eating them not so bad.

1) If you find any you like in the supermarkets you can buy just what you need for a meal and then you don’t have a bunch left over that you feel you have to eat. Personally I do this on occasion but I like to have control over my ingredients. When I make it at home not only do I like it better, but I use less fattening ingredients to make it.

Which brings me to tip #2.

I don’t care for the taste of light mayo. All I can taste is the vinegar. Everyone talks about Best Foods or Hellman’s being the best tasting Mayo, but when it comes to the light stuff I have to go with Kraft. What I do is mix half light mayo and half regular mayo in my salads. While they’re still definitely not fatfree, it does shave off quite a few calories and fat grams. If you scramble eggbeaters instead of using real egg, you can shave off even more.

What I’m truly looking for is a “pasta” diet. I’m afraid it wouldn’t get promoted very much as I can already see how unhealthy it would be. The diet would consist of all things pasta, and fruits and veggies, and a guarantee that even with alfredo sauce, I could still lose weight.LOL.

Today’s post is not about me and my weight loss (or lack there of), but of someone who is working diligently at losing weight and making a difference at the same time. His name is Ben. He’s lost 88 lbs. since he started his website. He’s actually lost over 100 since he began his journey. This is truly awe inspiring. Please just take a couple minutes to look at his site and see how we can all make a difference when you have the desire and a great idea.

http://www.donatemyweight.com

Have a blessed weekend.

The health article that caught my attention today was from issue 2658 of New Scientist magazine, 29 May 2008, page 12. It was all about how “thoughts of death make us eat cookies.” I’m serious. There is a study about how people who wrote essays on death vs. dentists ate more cookies and had lower self-esteem. “The authors believe people with low self-esteem use consuming as a way of subconsciously escaping self-awareness, which is heightened by thoughts of dying.”

I found this fascinating in the way that I always thought thoughts of dying would help you control your eating and make you exercise. You want to have a healthier lifestyle. You want to live longer. Instead, they are saying that eating is a possible mechanism for dealing with “death anxiety”.

I would say that my self-esteem probably isn’t what it should be, especially since I’m home so much more now and socialize so much less. Also the fact that I have gained a lot of weight hasn’t exactly lifted my self-esteem to new heights. I also worry a lot about dying (before I’m ready) because I know I don’t lead a healthy lifestyle. It seems to me, the fear of dying too soon would cause you to quit eating cookies instead of making you eat worse.

Maybe it’s time for yet another “paradigm shift”!

Nothing makes a fat girl say “shoulda, woulda, coulda” like really hot weather.

I “shoulda” stuck to eating right and exercising.

I “woulda” been small enough to fit into some bitchin’ summer clothes.

I “coulda” been there by now.

I had pretty much forgotten how much I hate hot (90 to 100 degrees) weather when I’m overweight. I’ve gotten old enough that I tend to run on the “cooler” side most of the time, so the hot weather when I’m thinner, doesn’t seem so bad. This year I remembered when the temps reached 102, why I usually diet in the fall or winter to be thinner by spring and summer.

One thing the hot weather has done for me is make my attraction to the fruits and vegetables in season much stronger. It must be working, because I’ve actually lost about 5 lbs. in the last week or so. Cookies, etc. just don’t have the same appeal when I’m sweating to death, looking for a way to cool off.  So it’s obviously not due to being post-menopausal, but my crummy eating habits that are keeping me fat. Hate facing that one! LOL

The strawberries have been just beautiful by me this year. They’re huge and so sweet and juicy. Usually at least one store by me (I’m lucky enough to have about 5 different grocery stores all in a circle close to where I live) has a 4lb. clamshell on sale at a really reasonable price. The blueberries not such a great bargain, but I love them in my yogurt and even tho the containers are small, I can still usually find them on sale. I bought a beautiful pineapple the other day, and I’ll probably cut that up for snacking today. To me, the can will never have anything on fresh when it comes to pineapple. When I went to Hawaii, my late husband couldn’t sit me at the bar next to a waitress station because I couldn’t keep my hands out of the pineapple. LOL.

The truly great thing about all this is that it is such a healthy way to eat. I’ve always said “if I truly ate everything they want you to eat when you’re on WeightWatchers, I would never be able to snack on anything else!”

Thank goodness for the hot weather to reteach me how to eat right. I’m drinking a lot more water also, of course, which I’m sure has helped with dropping a little of this excess weight. See, you just never know where help is going to come from. LOL 

is now only 2 months away vs. 10 months like it was when I first started this blog. Evidently my reason wasn’t motivation enough. I just got the dates yesterday for the reunion and here I am, the same size if not a pound or two more than I was 8mos. ago. So now I will be walking etc. like crazy, cussing myself out for not getting serious sooner, and still stuffing something into my face that probably doesn’t belong there! No matter what I do, I still am no magician with the magic formula.

I have known about this for a yr. I actually thought it was in April. Thank God it wasn’t! But why have I been so self-sabbotoging? Or why I haven’t I been stronger? Or if my health and this reunion aren’t important enough, what in the hell would be?

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. I better do myself a little sole searching and find out what’s going on in there. Looking over past posts, I thought I had the answer a few times. NOT. Guess again. I know when I truly make up my mind I can do it, so why not now? Am I using it as a crutch while I’m working on my new life? I know I should be doing better than ever now that my schedule, etc. is completely in my hands. Instead I am so stressed and focusing on the new business, I’m not getting anything else done, including stuff with deadlines. Have I just become self-destructive to a certain point? I mean, I’m not going to jump the bridge or anything, but something definitely isn’t right.

Any insights would be appreciated. LOL. My weight is actually a symbol I think of all the kaos in my life right now. One step at a time I guess. It just would be good if I would actually take the steps.

Since I started this da** blog back in Sept. with so much motivation and hope for a skinnier future, I have started and started over more dieting and exercising, etc. and I just have not been good about keeping up with any of it. And now I haven’t even been good about posting here, because I haven’t been good enough doing the other stuff that I have anything worth posting. I have not been utilizing WeightWatchers nearly enough, even tho I pay for meetings and online every month. I find the website motivating which is even more reason why I should visit more often. I also love this website called SparkPeople. It too is very motivating in combination with WeightWatchers and is also an excellent tool. It’s Spring now, and I want to do more things and be outside more. By now I should have reached my goal or been darn close. So as of today…

1. I am journaling EVERYTHING I put in my mouth (which in itself ticks me off because it keeps me honest)
2. I will quit stressing over the fact that I’m not doing an exercise routine, but will make myself do something physical every day. Today I am going to be pulling weeds etc. out in the yard. I haven’t gardened for years.
3. Every morning I will start out with the message boards at WW and Sparkpeople to help set me up for the day.

That seems easy enough and enough steps for now. I am taking a page from LadyShanny’s book and going to start with photo’s for my journey. I also have one photo that I will post to keep my frightfully aware of where I am headed, and what I don’t want to look like when I go to the high school reunion in July.

I received this in an email titled “Bacon Grease Will Make Your Feet Look Small” While I admit they all seem to have self-pride, I don’t want to be there.

Easter went off just fine. Both the kids had to work, but that’s okay I guess. The ham  was perfect and I even made gravy from the pan drippings. (A little salty for my taste). I have to admit, without the Easter Baskets this year, it was like there was a little something missing all day. As old as the kids are, I used to make them hunt for eggs, etc.  This year I also had to worry about dessert, something that never mattered before because everyone ate the chocolate in their baskets. Thank goodness for sugar free instant pudding and fat-free milk. LOL. I made a banana cream pie, folding a little Cool Whip into the top half, in a lower fat grahmcracker crust and then just a drizzle of Lite Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup. If I tracked the points right, it still was 4pts. a slice, but it was good. Luckily I was too full after dinner, so I had it for breakfast. I know, shame, shame.

I did want to say that I have been “listening to my body” for that “satisfaction sigh”, when you’re supposed to put down the fork and be done. The problem I’m having with that is that I apparently am like Pavlov’s dog. I’ll be eating and start thinking about it, then I do it. I don’t think that’s how it was meant to work. Sometimes I think about it shortly after I start eating and then it happens. If I follow the rules, I’m nowhere near satisfied (of course, that probably wouldn’t hurt me any as far as dropping a few pounds), but it’s frustrating! If anyone else uses that as a “body signal” how do you handle it? Is it just me? When I think about it and I’m not eating, it makes me yawn. Weird.

Over the Holiday I also got a look at being an “empty nester”. The kids had gone to friends after work Sun. nite and stayed most of Monday. It was definitely quiet around here. While I am anxious to have them move out so I can have my house back, I have a few doubts on how well I’m going to handle it. As they’ve grown up, we’ve really become quite good friends. I’m just hoping I’ll be busy enough changing everything around, I won’t have time to notice they’re gone.

I previously wrote about my oldest daughter going vegan. I have since learned the difference between “vegetarian” and “vegan”. She is definitely “vegetarian”. The nite she got here, I had made my famous quiche for dinner with a salad. The quiche has ham in it, so she didn’t eat any of that, and I set about to try and find her something that I had that didn’t have meat in it. When you’re completely carnivorous as I am, there’s not much that doesn’t have meat. I offered to make her scrambled eggs and that was about as good as it gets! Even my soups all have either fish or meat. Luckily she hasn’t totally given up dairy yet, as there are a lot of things that have dairy that she uses to substitute for not having meat in her meals. I told her to take it one step at a time, because if she makes it too hard on herself she’s just setting herself up for failure.

 I’m really happy that she has stuck with this so far. She has always had problems with her digestion, and she was never a big fruit or vegie eater. She was drinking diet cokes like crazy and I could never get her to drink water. All of that has changed, plus she’s gotten very pro-active about her vitamins. She had a veggie burrito for lunch yesterday which she said was delicious (Del Taco), that she never would have even tried before.

Last nite I made homemade nachos for dinner for all of us. They work out to about 5pts. per serving for me, and they don’t have any meat for her. My family loves them because on each round tortilla chip is a 1/2 tsp. of warm beans, put a pinch of low fat cheese on top and melt in the micro. Put a tiny dollop of guacamole on top, and a tiny dollop of FF sour cream on top of that and eat. Each nacho is made individually and they are surprisingly filling. They are nothing like the nachos you get nowadays where everything is just thrown on a pile of chips!

We went shopping most of the day yesterday. I couldn’t believe it. I wore her out (my revenge for Las Vegas) and we were back out at it this morning. We both talked about how important it is to get out and be doing something. We both come from kind of the same place. It’s very easy to stay in sweats, looking like hell and never leave the house unless you have to. While her visit was, as always, too short, it was packed with fun and we were able to give each other some great encouragement. I’m rockin’ and rollin’ now. LOL

I picked this up from LadyShanny and Blogher and decided to give it a try. Until I did this, I didn’t realize how resentful and angry I was at the physical me. Hopefully, now that I got it out and examined it, I can get rid of it.

                               A Letter To My Body

Here we are after spending a half a century together, and I figure I know you pretty well. We’ve pretty much come full circle, the baby with her belly hanging out over her diaper, the little girl who was taller than almost everyone in her class, the blossoming young woman who quickly turned into “full figured”, and the older woman who has once again turned into a body with her belly hanging over her underwear. You’ve taken me from being a kid to having 3, and I must say we got along pretty well thru all of them. We’ve gone thru menopause together and it was easy. No matter what I’ve done to you, you have always bounced back and been strong and reliable.

I would love to say I don’t blame you for the shape I’m in now, but to a certain extent, I do. In fact, to be totally honest, I’ve been angry with you since I was 12. We had two parents. Mom, who fought being overweight all her life, and Dad, who was skinny as a rail all his life, right into middle age. You took on all of Dad’s mannerisms, gave me his face, but took on Mom’s fat cells. I have her shape and took on her lifetime of fighting my weight. I do resent you to a certain extent. I resent fighting with you about what I eat all my life. You’ve never given me a chance to relax. It’s always been a battle.

Now that we’re older, things haven’t changed much. I do realize as we’ve gotten older, you are more in need than ever before of the proper fuel for you to carry me the rest of the way. I don’t want to suffer and be limited in my mobility as the days and years pass, and I realize that you can turn on me at any time. You have won the war. Now the tables have turned and I shall be your servant. I am heeding your warnings, the stiffness in the joints, the pain in my hips when I lay too long on my side. My heart says I want to be around to see my youngest child thru life and see my Grandchildren graduate from high school. The Bible says you are a temple. I have never quite figured that and have not exactly brought “presents” in thru your door, but I am starting to see that now. I shall look at you thru new eyes with a new appreciation for what you can do. Hopefully, from this point forward you can accept my apologies and we will get along much better in the future. As the old joke goes, “if I would have known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of you”.

If I was writing a newspaper article in a “good news” paper, that would be my headline. I am getting so much more concious of my need for exercise, that rather than driving home from the bar (yeah, a saloon), I walked.

The other day I needed to stop by the neighborhood bar to see the owner, who is a friend of mine. Since I was in the bar business for the last 10 yrs. most my more recent friends are bar people. The bartender on duty was the same one who has been there working days for at least the last 15 yrs. and we’ve always been pretty good friends. I hadn’t had much to eat and the first drink he poured was pretty strong. (Skyy vodka and water= 2pts). The second one I had to be polite because I had cashed a check (good an excuse as any) and told him to pour it light. It was still pretty good. My friend that I was there to talk to came in while I was having that drink, so I stuck around for another. By the time I was ready to go (3 drinks= 6pts.) I could really feel them. What a sissy since I don’t drink much anymore!  Instead of getting behind the wheel of my car, (last thing I need right now is a DUI) or calling someone to come get me, I decided to use that opportunity to get my exercise in for the day. It’s probably a mile to a mile and a half from home. I sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, trying to make the most out of what I was doing. It was great! I felt better when I got home, I stopped and saw a neighbor that lives just a couple of doors down that I hadn’t seen in awhile, and managed to get some worthwhile cardio in. Plus I was carrying a carton of cigs, a 32oz. bottle of water, and my purse, so essentially I was walking with weight. LOL.

Gotta take advantage of opportunities when they strike!